There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
