my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
