I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
