so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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