I hate your face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
