Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize