Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
God, I missed his penis.
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