Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
