Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
