Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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