I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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