Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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