im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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