too bad you live with your parents still
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
