My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
