It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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