I murdered the dance floor call the cops
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
