He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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