for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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