i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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