He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
