I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
