So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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