I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
