k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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