I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize