... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
