the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
