i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
