Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
