Old men and throwing up are my life now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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