he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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