Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we made out on top of his cat.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found the puke drawer
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
