why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
