Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
