Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
