So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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