the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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