I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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