I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
