Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
