It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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