people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize