I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
