...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i out mim tonsoeep
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
