i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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