I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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