My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
