He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
