hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
