So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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