I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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