Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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