he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize