I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Enjoy the penises
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
