"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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