you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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