peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
