Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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