True but thats because hes a fetus.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
