3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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