I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
