I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
