The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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