There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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