I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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