4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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