Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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