Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
