Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
