I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
