note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
