Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
